I started a podcast!

Hello, friends.  It's been a long time since you've heard from me.  I have been pouring every spare moment into a passion project that I am super excited about. 

After over a year of thinking about it, I decided to finally just do it, and I started a podcast for moms! It is called 3 in 30 Takeaways for Moms because each 30-minute episode includes three doable takeaways for moms to try with their kids that week. 

It has been so much work!  Much more than I expected it to be, honestly.  But it's also super exciting and gives me a little spring in my step.  It is really fulfilling to me to teach and to share strategies, tools, and solutions.  Plus it just feels so good to actually follow through on a big goal that I set.  It makes me feel more confident in every area of my life.  (Does that make sense?)

I record in my closet, where the sound is supposedly better (very classy and professional), and then I edit the podcasts and get them posted to my website, iTunes, Stitcher and other apps, and social media.  It's definitely a part-time job, but so far I am loving it. 

I'm on my fourth week, and we've already had some awesome topics and guests.  Check it out:

 

And actually my very favorite episode is the Intro episode because I get to talk about the arrivals of my miracle babies and the inspiration for the podcast.  I just love these two little miracles!

I would love it if you followed along!  The website is 3in30podcast.com, and you can stream any of the episodes directly from there.  You can also subscribe within any podcast app, that way you never miss an episode.  Just open the app and search "3 in 30 Takeaways for Moms" and it should come up.  Then hit "Subscribe."

I've been really active on Instagram, posting follow-up tips and videos after each episode, so find me there as well!  My handle is the same everywhere: 3in30podcast.

So what does this mean for the ol' family blog?  Truthfully, I don't know yet.  I haven't blogged consistently in over a year, but it's hard for me to say I'm letting it go completely because I do still feel like it's so important for my kids' lives to be chronicled.  (I've actually already devoted an entire podcast to that topic.)  I use Chatbooks, but not for everything, and I just love writing lots of details about their personalities and milestones.  I think if I could manage my time better, it could be doable to do both, but thus far, I have been so consumed by the podcast that everything else (including cooking meals and cleaning the house) is on the back burner.  I am praying everything will normalize soon and so it doesn't feel like so much work.

But in the meantime, I am enjoying the feeling of reaching a goal and working toward something great.  And I would especially love it if some of you readers found me on the podcast!

Moving...and catching up from the winter!

We are moving in one week, and I am starting to freak out.  I have done a ton of organizing and purging, but I haven't packed a single box.

Panic is beginning to set in, so obviously I'm blogging.  Because I like to avoid the task at hand when I am feeling anxious.  And I also realize that if I don't slap the photos from this winter onto the ol' blog, it might be another several months before we are out of boxes and I'm ready to post again.  Gotta get this done.

Yes, we are moving again.  AGAIN.  Last summer, we moved from one rental to another, just within Twin Falls--but this summer (eh hem, in one week), we are making a big, permanent move.  We bought our first home and everything!

We are moving to Hailey, Idaho, which is about 20 minutes outside of Sun Valley in the mountains.  Ryan is going to continue working for the same dental office, but he is buying in as a partner, and he is going to run their small satellite office in Hailey.  I think it will be a great fit for him, with a slower pace in a mountain town that he loves.  He grew up going to his grandpa's cabin in Sun Valley, and he is excited to teach our kids to ski, mountain bike, fish, etc.

I am up for it too, though it will be an adjustment.  Hailey only has 10,000 people and no stores like Walmart, Costco, or really any chain.  I don't think I would be able to do it if it weren't for Amazon Prime!

But honestly the thing that scares me the most is the longer winters.  Because man do I struggle emotionally in the winter.  (More on that in a second.)  And in Hailey, winter will be longer and colder and snowier.  My only saving grace is that in spite of the snow and cold, it is actually sunny there year-round (hence the nickname "Sun Valley") and that could make all the difference for my mental health and state of mind.  I think I can deal with winter as long as it's not six months of gray and dreary.

Which leads to the real topic of this post...photos from the past winter.  I just have to admit upfront that this winter was a doozy for me.  I was still adjusting to my medications for Intracranial Hypertension, so on top of my regular seasonal depression, I had intense depression from the meds.  I think it was probably the lowest I have ever been, mostly manifesting in total apathy towards everything in my life.  I could barely muster the motivation to get out of bed, which is not like me at all.  I finally convinced my doctor to switch me from that particular medication, and I am happy to report that I am feeling so much better.  This new medicine isn't without uncomfortable side effects, but it is 50x better than trying to function with that level of mental fog and depression.

So that was no fun.  And when you add to that that Idaho had the snowiest winter it has had in decades, it was one heck of a few months.  In January and February, we literally had feet and feet of snow envelope our city.  The local schools had something like eight snow days, and there were just huge snow drifts everywhere, which is really unusual for Twin Falls.  I heard that we had more snow this winter than in the past twenty years combined.  I'm not sure if that's true, but these photos of this year's spring run-off at Shoshone Falls seem to back that up!  Crazy!

Noah and Ryan spent a lot of time shoveling.  Sally and I helped a little, but the boys enjoyed doing it so much that we decided to just let them do most of the heavy lifting. ;)  And hey, when they came  inside with their red cheeks, we had hot cocoa ready!

 

Noah truly loves shoveling snow, and he could play outside in it for hours.  One day he came in and proudly told me that he and his dad had built a "tremendous snowhill!"  Ha!  I love that kid's vocabulary.  And I think he will enjoy life in snowy Hailey just fine.

Noah and Ryan also got away on a little adventure with friends one Saturday morning: ice fishing!  It was a first time for both of them, and they loved it.  Noah caught a big one!

 

We went tubing as a family one Saturday afternoon, and I gave myself a "good mom point" for getting out in the cold and making it happen.

 

Bapa came to see us one weekend and spent lots of time playing with the kids, going for pancakes at McDonalds per tradition (classy!), and skiing with Noah!  All the fun wore everyone out.  ;)

And speaking of skiing, Ryan said it was a truly epic ski season.  Sun Valley reported having some of their best snow ever, and Ryan was itching to get on those slopes every chance he could get! 

We even got Sally out on the slopes for a day.  Dad took her on the big chairlift and everything!  She enjoyed whizzing between her dad's legs, though she mostly wanted to talk about having a hot dog at the lodge when she was done.  I was standing at the bottom of the hill taking a video, and I could hear her jabbering about her hot dog all the way down.  Ha!

When we got into the lodge and got her a snack, a nice man walked by and asked her if she had gone skiing that day. I said, "Yes, it was her very first time!" He made a big fuss over her, and she said, "Do you want to see me skiing??" and grabbed my phone to show him a video. ;)  He was such a good sport to watch a two minute long video of her slowly winding down the hill between her dad's legs, and she was grinning from ear to ear the whole time he watched.

In between the various winter sports and outings, there was lots of downtime at home, with Mom not feeling good.  The weather kept us trapped inside a lot and when school got cancelled for days and days in a row, the days felt so long and hard. 

But I have to admit that as I flipped through these photos of the everyday, crazy moments with my little ones, I started to hear that corny old country song playing in my head: "You're gonna miss this, you're gonna want this back.  You're gonna wish these days, hadn't gone by so fast.  These are some good years, so take a good look around.  You may not know it now, but you're gonna miss this."

From colorful baths and smoothie mustaches, to terrible mornings when the kids crawl all over me and fight with each each other, to chaotic dinners when Ryan tries to read us the scriptures and not a soul listens...to Noah's endless creations and Sally's endless mischief...from boat building to jumping off the mantel because it's too snowy to go to the playground...it's a good good life.

 

 

 

 

And when they are grown, I know I'm going to miss it. 

What My Trip to South Africa Taught Me about Motherhood

**I wrote this post for the blog Money Saving Mom, which is run by an amazing young mother, Crystal Paine.  Crystal is a very influential blogger, and she organized this mission trip to South Africa. I was honored to be able to share some of what I learned with her blog audience this past week. I will be writing a lot more about my South Africa experience here on my personal blog (and inviting all of you to help me continue the work there!), but I wanted to start by sharing this post because I feel it really captures the heart of my experience.

------------------

The first time that I saw Gogo, I was standing with my back against a crude brick wall, leaning into a pocket of shade under the hot African sun.

I heard her before I saw her. “Oh, thank you, Jesus! Oh, Jesus!” she was calling.  And when she came around the corner, her wrinkled hands were clasped, her face tilted up toward heaven in praise.

She was wearing a navy stocking cap, a brown sweater and long skirt—and she reached out to each of us American visitors as if we were her family, squeezing our hands and whispering her thanks to God that we had come. 

 

“Gogo” means Granny in Setswana, and, truly, this woman is a grandmother to everyone she meets.  Her heart is full of love, Spirit, and nurturing—in essence, motherhood.  Being near her, I thought, “This is why I came to Africa.  I came here to meet Gogo.”

When I applied to go on the South African advocacy trip with Crystal Paine, I was searching for a deeper understanding of motherhood.  I couldn’t have put it into those specific words at the time—but now that I’m home, I can see more clearly what I was yearning for before I left.

I have always loved connecting with people in deep ways. I was a counselor at a camp for kids and adults with disabilities throughout high school and college. I spent long summer days in the mountains of Colorado with amazing campers who taught me about courage and endurance in the face of physical and mental challenges.

After I got married, my husband and I spent a semester living in an orphanage in El Salvador, planning scavenger hunts, playing rowdy games of Uno, and reading bedtime stories to children whom we grew to love like family.

When we returned to the States, I taught high school English for five years—a challenging career that I loved—while my husband went to school to become a pediatric dentist. Every summer we went back to El Salvador for a week or two to see the kids that we love.

And then in 2011, we adopted our son, Noah, and my life as a stay-at-home mother began.

After all of my experience with children, teaching, and service, I thought that the transition to motherhood would be easy.

Famous last words, right?

I knew that it was a blessing to be able to stay home with Noah, but after years of connecting with people on a deep level, I felt lonely and unfulfilled much of the time.  My baby cried a lot; my husband was in residency and we lived in a crummy apartment near the hospital without many other young moms around; and I missed getting to laugh with and learn from my students and colleagues every day.

I felt a bit trapped—not so much by my circumstances as by the dichotomy in my heart: I knew that my job as a mother was the most impactful role I would ever have, and yet I yearned for more.

Five years have passed, and we have since added another baby to our family, a spunky little girl named Sally. I have settled into my role as a mother much more, and I love spending time with my two little miracles. I have found meaningful work that I can do from home—I write for a motherhood website called Power of Moms—and I teach the teenage girls at church and reach out to friends and family as much as I can.

My life is so good and so full.  And yet, at times I still feel that pull in my heart—the desire to learn more, impact more, give more.

I decided to apply to go to South Africa because I knew that I would meet people like Gogo.  I knew I would gain new perspective and come home with more clarity, peace, purpose, and drive.

I wish I could write a book about the incredible mothers that I met when I was there—because that’s what it would take, a book!  Meeting these mothers, hearing their stories, and witnessing the unique and powerful contributions that they are making within their spheres of influence...it filled my soul.

I realized that what I am doing at home with my little ones matters.  My heart ached when I saw children who do not have loving parents to care for them. I saw the sadness in their eyes, and I heard from teachers about the ways that their mental and emotional development are affected.  It made me want to be a better, more invested mother.

It also made me want to do hard things—to make sacrifices to extend my love beyond my own family to others who need “mothering.”  I realized that I can involve my own children in this work.  I can teach them to see a need in our community and the world and do something about it.

While raising her kids, Gogo worked at a soup kitchen and started several preschools for vulnerable children in her community.  In recent years, her grown daughter Elizabeth has followed in her mother’s footsteps and started a “drop-in centre” out of Gogo’s one-room house.  It started with 18 children, and it has now grown to 180!  

What began in Gogo’s tiny house has expanded.  They’ve been able to receive government funding, build a small preschool next door, and hire a staff of dedicated teachers and caregivers.  Vulnerable kids from the community come to Gogo’s house every morning to receive a bowl of vitamin-fortified porridge, and then they come after school to receive a snack, help with homework, and instruction in singing and sports.  It’s like a Boys and Girls Club—Africa style!

 

It has become a family affair, with Gogo as the loving matriarch, Elizabeth as the powerhouse director, and even Elizabeth’s sons as administrators and cooks.  Three generations of givers.

Truly, this family has been transformed because of Gogo’s example —this family, and an entire community of children.

After spending a day at the “drop-in centre”—witnessing the hope in the children’s eyes, hearing their singing and joyful laughter—my American friends and I gathered around Gogo as she sat in a lawn chair in the shade, reading her Bible.  She hugged each of us and took us by the hands, looking into our faces and thanking us for coming.  I will never forget the feeling of her wrinkled hands, leathery from a lifetime of loving and serving. With tears in her eyes, she read scripture to us and then said simply, “I cry because I am rich.”

I am grateful beyond words for the opportunity that I had to go to South Africa to learn from this hero-mother and many others like her.

Since coming home, I have felt a deep desire to continue helping in South Africa through fundraising efforts for the amazing projects there, as well as to find ways to invest right here in my community—and bring my children along with me.

 

I don’t know exactly what those efforts will look like yet, but I am grateful to have been a part of a trip that opened my heart to the everlasting impact of mothers. I know that I, and hopefully my children, will never be the same.

A Birthday Love Letter to a Wild Sweetheart

My Darling Sal,

On the night of your second birthday--after a busy day of ginormous balloons, princess tiaras, and buttercream frosted cakes--I sat down to write a love letter to you.  This is my tradition, I do it every year, so I opened my computer and fully expected the swell of adoration to come washing over me so I could write.

But I waited and waited, and the feeling didn't come.  All I felt was exhaustion.

Perhaps this is something that I shouldn't admit in a birthday love letter.  Perhaps I should skip over the weariness of motherhood and get right to the sweet scene of you blowing out your birthday candles.  But I tell you the truth because one day you will be a mother.  And you will know what I mean when I describe this exhaustion.  Sometimes, you will simply feel overwhelmed and tired, and you might feel guilty that you don't feel all-consuming, gleeful, giddy love for your children all the time.

I want to tell you that it's normal.  It's normal to be exhausted when you have little ones.  It's normal to feel so utterly depleted at the end of the day that the thought of writing a sentimental love letter is just too much.

And so, on the night of your birthday, I shut my laptop and went to sleep.  And in my bedtime prayer, the feeling came.  The awestruck swelling in my soul--the awe that I get to be your mother.  I get to see you grow and learn and become every day.  On my knees by the side of the bed, I smiled into the mattress as I thanked God for the beautiful little birthday girl in the sparkly crown and red-checkered dress.  I thanked God that you are mine.

Today is a new day, and I have a few moments of quiet to come back to this birthday love letter for you.  I want to tell you all about the things that I love about you as a two-year-old.

I love your little voice.  You have started talking so much in the past few weeks.  People comment on your little voice all the time because it is low and raspy--so unusual for a girl your age.  Maybe you'll be a growly alto like your mom and her sisters.  Ha!

You actually do love to sing, and as you walk around the house, you sing the ABCs, Popcorn Popping, and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.  You also sing along to the music in the car, and your favorite song is "Doh Doh" as you call it (Uptown Funk by Bruno Mars--it starts with a guy singing, "Doh, doh, doh" hence the nickname).  You screech, "Doh doh!" every time we get into the van until I turn it on. (Oh the screeching!  You are definitely a determined little lady!)

Your vocabulary is exploding lately, and it's so fun.  When you sneeze, you say, "Bless you, Mom!" even though you are the one who sneezed.  You pretend to talk on the phone and have entire conversations with your favorite babysitter, Ashlyn, using that plastic purple phone.   One of your favorite things to say is "Oopsie daisie!" when you make a mistake. And just this week, you started counting to ten.  I love hearing all the new things you have to say every day. 

When you see babies, you shout excitedly, "Hold eeeeet!  Hold eeeet!"   Like your mama, you love a snuggly baby and grin from ear-to-ear when you are holding "it." Ha!

You love to pray and always ask to be the one to say it when I put you in your crib at night.  I lay you on your pillow, and then I kneel beside the crib and say each line slowly.  You fold your arms but keep your eyes wide open and smile with self-satisfaction as you quietly whisper the last word of each sentence that I say.  Then at the end you shout, "A-men!!"  It is the sweetest.  And the highlight of my night is when you stick your nose between the crib bars and ask for a nuzzle before I leave the room.  Rubbing noses with you and giving you a little kiss is a perfect way to end the day.

I love your bedhead and your sloppy pigtails when you wake up from a nap.  I love how much you adored this birthday card from your Bapa and carried it around the house with you saying "Bapa!  Bapa!"over and over and pointing out the animals:

You are a diva and a girly girl.  You are obsessed with princess dresses and shoes, and you love getting into my makeup.  You came out of my bathroom the other day looking like this, and you thought you looked very lovely:

You are a fashionista with your leopard print swimsuit and signature straw hats that you insist on wearing everywhere!

You also love diva sunglasses, and you yell, "Bright! Bright!" and ask for them every time we go outside.  Ha!

You love being the center of attention.  On your birthday, you insisted that we sing "Happy Birthday" to you about five times, and you sang along, loud and proud, and blew out the candles with gusto each time.  That will probably be one of my all-time favorite birthday memories of my children. 

You are a handful.  You have so much energy and spunk--you are much crazier than your brother Noah was at this age.  You want to try everything and you are super independent.  If I try to help you take your clothes off before a bath, you yell, "No, Mom!"  You want to do things yourself.

You are joyful and mischievous--and not obedient at all.  You almost always have a naughty little twinkle in your eye.  

You climb on everything.  You love to find ledges and walk on them--like the edges of sidewalks or  planters.  You have really good balance and can also climb the tall ladders at the playground.  Future gymnast?  You've started hanging upside down from the handles on the roof of the van and shouting, "Monkey bars!" Ha!  I am always amazed by your strength.  Maybe because you only weigh 23 pounds, it's easy for you to do these acrobatic moves. ;)

I mean, is this normal??

Yes, you only weigh 23 pounds. Noah weighed more than that when he turned one!  You are 10th percentile for height and weight--tiny but feisty, strong, and loud.  You know what you want in life, and you holler until it happens.  We usually let you get away with it because we are suckers and we are tired and you are too cute for your own good.

You adore your brother, even though he teases you constantly and you two fight like cats and dogs.  Aren't you too young to be fighting already??  I must say, sometimes when it's only 8:30 a.m. and you two are already shrieking at each other, I feel like I'm gonna lose my mind.  But then the other day I was giving you a bath, and I had to go grab a towel so I asked Noah to watch you for a minute, and as I was leaving the bathroom, I heard you spontaneously say to him, "Hi, Noah!  I wuv oo, Noah."   My heart melted.  Especially since I've never heard you spontaneously say "I love you" to anyone, not even Mom and Dad.  I hope you and Noah always look out for each other throughout life!

You are super dramatic in your facial expressions.  It is hilarious.  When you see a mashed up banana or something, you will screw up your face into the cutest grimace and say, "Ewww, gross!"  I can always tell by the look on your face exactly what you are thinking, whether it is disgust, joy, love, anger, or sadness.  I love how expressive you are.

You started riding your tricycle this month, and you love it.  You have to wear a backpack so you can reach the peddles because you're so short.  I can't get enough of my little urchin on her bike:

You fill my life and my heart with joy, Sally. Yes, you are a menace (as we still lovingly call you), but overall, I think I am a much more relaxed mom than I was when Noah was little.  It feels great to see that I am maturing and becoming more patient as a mother, more able to enjoy my children and savor the stage we are in.  You are at a needy age right now--where you can't/don't really play by yourself, you hang on my leg all day, and you make huge messes--but when I start to feel really frustrated, I remind myself, "This is a stage.  The hard parts of this stage will pass, but so will the perfect parts."  In those moments, I try to just stop and get down on the floor and look into the eyes of my wild, beautiful, urchin-angel, and soak in every bit of your insane cuteness.

I love you, Sally Grace Nielson.  Every night, not just on your birthday, I thank God that you are my daughter.  Yes, motherhood is exhausting, and when you are a mom there will be some days when you just have to go to sleep and look forward to a fresh start in the morning--but it is so worth it.  Someday you will be a mother, and only then will you understand just how much I love you. 

Thank you for being mine and for filling each day of my life with your wild sweetness.

I love you, to the moon and back.
Mama