A Perfect Day

Saturday, December 15th was a perfect day.  Here is why:

1. Noah was an angel on our flight to Utah.  He sat calmly with his daddy and played with his laptop toy and giggled and smiled at the other passengers on the plane.  Love him.

2. We got to see Grandma Nielson (Ryan's mom) before she headed to Boise to await the arrival of her newest grandchild.  While Noah took a brief nap in his carseat, she and I sat in the parked car and talked about life.  I always love my talks with Sally, and I love the way that she adores Noah.  I feel so fortunate to have her in my life.

3.  Then we got to see Katie and Drew and their families.  People always ask me if this is awkward, and I always tell them that it's truly not.  I will admit that I usually get a little nervous before a visit (just because I want everything to go so perfectly, and I want to be sensitive to Katie and Drew, as I know they have had emotional ups and downs in the months since they placed Noah for adoption); but in the end, every visit is such a sweet experience for me.  Their families are always so gracious, warm, and welcoming.  They hug me, shower me with compliments about my mothering (seriously, so kind!), and gush over how perfect Noah is.  We sit around and watch him like he is the most exciting creature on the planet (he is sometimes a little overwhelmed by the attention), and it's genuinely really fun to catch up with all of them.  I love them and feel very grateful for the miraculous way that God has brought our families together.

3. After the family festivities, Katie and Drew got precious alone-time with Noah.  In quieter environments, he isn't so clingy to me and his true personality comes out (this is probably true of all toddlers), so I am really glad that they got this time with him.  Watching the three of them play in front of the glowing Christmas tree just felt so special--it's one of my favorite memories from the holiday season.  I love how much those two love Noah.

As I'm sure you can imagine, adoption is an emotional journey that isn't over with the signing of papers, and I worry about Katie and Drew when I know they are having a hard time and missing Noah.  There isn't a "right" way to do open adoption, and I think it's sometimes difficult for both me and Katie to figure out how much contact we should have and how to respect each other's needs and roles; but our interactions are always based in mutual respect and love, and so it works.  I genuinely love Katie and Drew so much, and I will always want them to be apart of our life and Noah's life.

4. While I was at Katie's, watching the sweet scene by the Christmas tree, I got a text from Sally that my niece, Kate Sophia, was born at 5:47 p.m.  Amazing.  I felt so happy and full of love for her and for her parents.

5. After leaving Katie's, we met up with Ryan's family in Salt Lake City.  We wanted to spend time with Ryan's brother Derek and his wife since they wouldn't be in Idaho with us for the week leading up to Christmas.  We met Derek, Alli, Cole, Sara, Gordon, and Tanner at Market Street Grill and enjoyed a delicious dinner and great conversation.  Even though it was way past his bedtime, Noah was a good boy at the restaurant and made quite a splash in his candycane-striped pajamas!  His aunts and uncles couldn't get enough of him!  We enjoyed walking to and from Temple Square in the cold night and seeing holiday lights and bustle.

6. By the time we left downtown Salt Lake, it was about 10:30 p.m., and Noah usually goes to bed between 7 and 8 p.m.  Amazingly, he was still in a great mood (as you can see from the photo below), and when we returned my rental car to the airport, he ran around the lobby in his footie pajamas, giggling and chasing his Uncle Tanner.  In that moment, watching Tanner and Noah playing together in the empty airport lobby, I realized that it had been a perfect day.  I don't know why, but I think I will always remember that scene and that moment.

Exuberant boy, clapping for joy

7.  Then Tanner, Ryan, Noah, and I all loaded up into the family Suburban with Gordon and made the 2 1/2 hour drive to Pocatello, Idaho.  Yes, it was the middle of the night by the time we got there.  Thankfully, exuberant Noah conked and slept most of the way there, and when we arrived, he went right back to sleep in his Pack-N-Play.  It was a miracle, and a perfect end to a truly wonderful day.

More on the holiday trip to Idaho to come...and I promise I will try not to write a long-winded post about each of the great days that we spent there, or this could get really old!

Noah Atticus--17 Months!

Noah is 17 months old and talking up a storm.  I love being his mom.  I love everything about his current age (well, except for his gross hands and face after each meal, as he absolutely insists on feeding himself--what a mess!).  It's been a while since I've written an update about the things he's saying and doing.  I know this type of update is boring for most of you, but I do it for the grandparents, the aunts and uncles, the birthparents, posterity (this blog is the only baby book that Noah is getting!), and myself.  I can't bear the thought of losing these memories, so I have to write them down!

Some of the funny and cute things Noah's been doing lately:

*He thinks if he closes his eyes, I can't see him.  Sometimes he will see me heading toward him when he's in the middle of some mischief, and he freezes, holds perfectly still, and closes his eyes.  He stands there like a statue with a sly smile on his face, his eyelids fluttering ever so slightly (I think he is trying to peek to watch my confusion at where he disappeared to).  Of course, I play along: "Where's Noah?" So that has become one of his favorite phrases this month: "Where's Noah?"  He's also been saying, "Where it go?" when he misplaces something.  He holds up his hands in confusion as he says this.  I love it.

*If he wants someone to pick him up, he will say "See me! See me!" and reach toward him/her frantically.  Ryan figured out that this phrase came from him hearing me say, "Come see me!" and "Do you want to come see me?"  So cute.

*His favorite word right now is "please" because he's figured out that it gets him what he wants.  He says it with a long, pronounced E sound, "Pleeeeeeeaase!," and often clinches both of his fists like The Hulk during his dramatic exclamation.  It's super cute but also slightly annoying because it is his constant refrain.  He wants to get his hands on everything I am doing or eating. And how can I resist that polite little please?

*Speaking of manners, he says "Sorry" to himself.  Whenever he falls down or bonks his head, he will mutter, "Sorry, sorry!" and then keep playing.  He even apologizes to me if I accidentally bump into him. The other day, we were in Sunday School, and he scraped his back on one of the chairs and started screaming.  I picked him up and tried to quickly leave so the teacher could continue her spiritual lesson, but as we crossed the room in front of everyone, Noah kept sobbing out pathetically, "Sorry! Sorry!" as if he was apologizing for the disruption he had caused, and everyone was chuckling.

*And speaking of talking to himself, whenever he is trying to grab something that he can't quite reach, he says, "Get it! Get it! Get it!" as if he's giving himself a little pep talk.  :)

*He is starting to throw tantrums, but at this point, they are still really cute and funny.  When he doesn't get his way, he throws his arms down by his sides, slumps down to the ground, and fake cries.  It makes us laugh.

*He counts.  Well, not really.  One day, I heard him going "Tree, Four, Fie, Sixt, Seben..." and I about had a heart attack.  I thought I had a genius on my hands.  But then I realized that he wasn't actually counting anything, he was just repeating the sequence of words he has heard one too many times on Elmo's Count With Me DVD.  Wow--kind of embarrassing!  But hey, what's a mom supposed to do when I need to take a shower every once in a while and my son draws on walls with ballpoint pens if I leave him unattended for a few minutes? (True story.)  We don't have a TV, so he uses my laptop for an occasional video.  He is so amused by the monkey puppets on Baby Einstein--the delight on his face as he watches them is priceless!

*When he is in a giggly mood, he says, "Das funny!" or "Das silly!" over and over and laughs at himself.  Just yesterday he started saying, "Das crazy!" and I love it because it reminds me of Brian Fellow.

*He is still slightly terrified of the vacuum cleaner, though he doesn't sob anymore when I turn it on.  Instead, he runs to his room and emerges cautiously, clinging to his two security blankets: his "gog" from Grandma Nielson and his monster blanket from Grandma Westover.  He is addicted to both of these lovies, and he can't have one without the other--he needs both!  I always swore that I would never let my children get attached to certain blankets or stuffed animals (because what happens if you lose them or forget them on a trip?!), but I think it is so sweet that he loves something from each of his grandmas that I've never tried to break him of the habit.  I want him to have a special connection to both of them.

*He loves books!  Sometimes I find him sitting in his book basket "reading" to himself.  And sometimes he "reads" to his parents (while standing in an oven drawer, of course).

Video taken December 6, 2012

And one final video because it is so "Noah"--lots of jabber with some real words mixed in.  I love his little voice!  (And I LOVE the way he says "Mommy!" when I come to the bottom of the stairs and "Thank you!" to Katie and Drew for his truck.  The way he says "thank you" is my absolute favorite: "Di-jew!")

Power of Moms Give-Away

A few weeks ago, I wrote a novel-length post about how I got involved with Power of Moms.  This great website posts daily articles about motherhood and offers various programs to help mothers in all aspects of their lives.

As a Board member, I get one free program a month, and in honor of the new year, I am going to give away my free program to one of you this month.  Exciting.  My first ever blog give-away.  I know I am kind of a nerd, but I really just want to share the awesome resources of Power of Moms with my friends.

Check out all of their programs here, and decide which one you want--because you'll probably be the only person who enters my give-away, so chances are pretty good you will win!

One of my New Year's resolutions is to use their Mind Organization for Moms program to get my life in order.  I have heard rave reviews about the way it helps you organize your stuff, your schedule, your email inbox, your desk, your priorities, and your ideas.

They have a program about teaching your kids about work and money, if that is one of your current goals; or their newest program teaches kids about a different character trait each month through audio files, games, and PDFs on the computer.

They have a program called the Bloom Game which helps mothers make and track small, weekly goals to help them improve in all areas of their lives (you pick your own goals, so it can address anything you want).

I would love to join a Learning Circle, but there isn't one here in Denver yet (so one of my Denver friends needs to win the Learning Circle Leader kit and get one going!).

I listened to their Virtual Retreat and really enjoyed it, and I think the Do-It-Yourself Summer Camp kit sounds awesome for moms with older kids.

If you want to win one of their programs, each of the following will get you an entry.  (Leave a separate comment for each below.)

1.  Like Power of Moms on Facebook (so you will see updates about popular posts and new programs).  If you don't have Facebook, I kind of admire you, so leave a comment anyway, and I will give you an entry.

2.  Add Power of Moms website to your reader or blog roll (so you will be reminded to read the daily article on motherhood--you won't regret it).

3.  Peruse the programs (click here), and leave a comment for me about which one you would like to win.

That's it.  Three entries possible--one great prize.  The last day to enter will be Tuesday, January 8th.

Happy New Year!  xoxo

Happy Anniversary To Us!

Yesterday was Ryan's and my seventh wedding anniversary.  I love using milestones as an opportunity to look back and remember (I am a very sentimental sap), so during Noah's nap, I spent the hour thinking about our marriage and reminiscing.

I really wanted to write something meaningful about Ryan and our last several years together.  On our fourth anniversary, I wrote this essay, which has remained one of my favorites.  I thought perhaps I could just add to it--use the same format but add a portion about facing infertility/adoption disappointments together and add a portion about being new parents together. But the words wouldn't come.  I think that essay needs to stay just the way it is.

I have found with my writing that I have to be in just the right mood--I can't force it.  Sometimes I will think about an essay that I'd like to write for weeks, but I can't figure out quite how to word it, and every time I sit down to try, I feel stuck.  And then all of the sudden one day--Boom!--I will sit down and out it pours.

So since I wasn't feeling the writing vibe, I started going through old journals.  Seven years ago, I wrote a letter to everyone who attended our rehearsal dinner thanking them for the influence that they'd had in my life, and I have copies of all of those letters in a binder, along with copies of the toasts that my dad and Laura gave during the wedding reception.  So I sat on my bed and read through some of those letters and felt very grateful for all of the good people in my life.  Then I read my dad's toast, and I think it is just perfect because it is so him (humor and sentimentality perfectly woven together).  Maybe I will post his toast on this blog sometime.

Then Noah woke up, and that was that.  But it was still good to have a little quiet time to think.

Noah and I headed off to my friend Cami's house, so she could curl my hair and make me look pretty for my anniversary date.  (I have no skills in the beauty department, and sometimes I get tired of looking like a frump all the time, so I have to recruit help.)  Ryan came home to a foxy wife with curled hair (I even hummed the "Foxy Lady" song from Wayne's World and danced a little when I debuted my new look), and we went to see Les Miserables and then to dessert at Maggianos.

The movie gave us lots to talk about.  We talked about sacrifice and consecration--how seeing so many people in poverty always reminds us that we are not doing nearly enough to help with the suffering in the world.  It's so easy to get comfortable and forget that most of the world's population doesn't get the luxury of going out to a restaurant on their anniversary--or ever.  I want to do so much more to use my resources, talents, and skills to help others who weren't born with the blessings that I was, but it's so difficult to know where to start.  We talked about some ideas, and it felt great to discuss the stuff of life with Ryan.  I'm going to be honest and admit that, after seven years of marriage, sometimes we don't have a lot to talk about when we go out to eat.  Sometimes we sit in contented silence. :)

I am grateful for Ryan.  I am grateful that he is my husband, my closest confidant, and my best friend.  Marriage isn't always easy and blissful.  I've heard people say that the first year of marriage is the hardest, as you are adjusting to life together, but that wasn't the case with me and Ryan at all.  Our first year (in fact our first five years) were super fun with almost no conflicts.  For me, this past year has been the most difficult, as he was so busy and so stressed with his residency, and I was tired from chasing Noah around and managing most of the housework by myself.  Sometimes I resented him for the way our roles had changed, and sometimes he was grumpy because he was so stressed, and sometimes we got annoyed with each other...but we kept pushing forward day by day and rarely lost our tempers with each other, and that's just the way that marriage works, isn't it?

I am so grateful for opportunities to get away together and reconnect, like our date last night.  And I am grateful for the way that I have carefully chronicled our life together, so I can look back at my old journals or an old love letter from him and fall in love all over again.

Sometimes I tell Noah, "You are the second best thing that ever happened to me.  The first best thing is your daddy." And it's so true.

Happy Anniversary, Ry Guy!  What will the next seven years bring??  xoxo

Don't worry--we didn't eat it all!  But man was it delicious!

Grateful

I am feeling very, very grateful today.

My dad once told me that when he ponders his life and his many blessings, all he can think is "You've gotta be kidding me!"  He said he knows it isn't fair that one man should be so richly blessed.  That's exactly how I'm feeling today.  I've been cleaning the apartment, trying to get life back in order after vacation and holiday mayhem, and instead of feeling grumpy about it (like I usually would), I am feeling overwhelmingly blessed.

I am grateful to have the opportunity to stay home with my son.  I am grateful to witness little moments, like when he knocked over the laundry basket today, and as it hit the ground he said, "Bonk!" Then he leaned over, put his hand on the basket reassuringly, and said, "Ooo ok? (You okay?)" in his little voice.  I love that he comforts inanimate objects the same way that I comfort him.

I am grateful for services like AAA that come right to my home and fix my battery when my car won't start.

I am grateful to be able to wash and fold my husband's clothes neatly and take care of him in this small way.  (I usually hate laundry, but today, for some reason, I was able to see it as a labor of love.)

I am grateful that I can take a warm shower when I have a cold (makes me feel better every time).

I am grateful for my in-laws.  Seriously, I won the lottery when I married into the Nielson family.  We had such a great time with them last week.  I love every single one of them more than I can express in words.

I am grateful that I have gone to see a counselor these past few months who has helped me realize that I don't need to be perfect and I shouldn't be so hard on myself.  (That was kind of scary to admit to the worldwide web.)  More to come on this topic at some point...just trying to figure out how to put it all into words.

Life is so good.  I feel like I close many of my blog posts with that phrase, but it's just so true.  Life is good, and I am so grateful.

Family Photos 2012

My older sister has many virtues--one of which is that she is a good photographer.  It is very convenient to have a sister who can take our family photos at a moment's notice.  (We were already at my dad's for Thanksgiving and decided to go outside and take a few.)  As usual, many of the photos are in front of my dad's signature blue door.  Does this shot look familiar?

Oh it does?  Probably because we took the exact same shot last year.  I think Noah has changed the most in a year. (Ya think??)

A few more of my favorites:

We are happy and blessed.  I love my little family.

Child of Grace

"Child of Grace" by Liz Lemon Swindle

As I watched Noah climbing all over the pew in church yesterday, revving his toy car loudly and energetically coloring on the paper program during the Sacrament, I wondered again, as I have so often this month, if Jesus was once like my little boy.

Before I became a mother, I pictured Jesus as an innocent and perfect newborn baby, sleeping peacefully in soft hay, or I pictured him as a strong and perfect man, walking the roads of Galilee with his disciples, stopping to minister to the poor and the ill and teaching sermons on hillsides.  I never pictured him as a toddler, with big innocent eyes, wild hair, an infectious giggle, and endless amounts of curiosity and energy.

Did he reach for his mama with dramatic sobs when he was hurt, exhausted, or out of sorts?  Did she hold him close and whisper in his ear that everything would be okay?  Did she wipe sticky little hands and chase after him when he darted away and sing songs at bedtime?  Did she ever feel tired and frustrated, or did her knowledge of his divinity give her perfect patience?

"She Shall Bring Forth a Son" by Liz Lemon Swindle

I have also spent the month thinking about Joseph, as I’ve watched Noah in the arms of his father. Did Jesus call for his daddy first thing in the morning, as my son does?   Did Joseph walk the house with him when he was fussy, tickle and wrestle him when he was rowdy, and kiss him gently before bedtime?

Like my son, Jesus was raised by a man that was not his biological father—yet a man who I know loved him just as completely and as fiercely as he would have loved his own flesh and blood.  As I watch Noah and Ryan together, I realize that Joseph was Jesus’ father, and that God intended it to be that way.  He wanted his Only Begotten Son to be raised by a man who was good and gentle, a man who was totally committed to his mother and to him.  Our Heavenly Father wanted Jesus to have a family.

"In the Arms of Joseph" by Simon Dewey

As Ryan and I put Noah to bed tonight, I thought about what Mary and Joseph were asked to sacrifice.  Their sweet little boy would grow to be a man—and then he would take upon him the sins and pains of all mankind.  He would be scourged and mocked, beaten and crucified.

I wonder if they worried about him.  I wonder if they prayed for him.  Did they have perfect faith that allowed them to bear the weight of his calling with total peace?  Or did they sometimes want to protect him from the pain that would be necessary in order for all of us, including them, to gain salvation?

"Silent Night" by Liz Lemon Swindle

Picturing Jesus this way—as a vulnerable, precious little boy—makes my heart swell with gratitude and love for Him, for the man He became, for all that He did for me. 

And being a mother at Christmastime makes me revere Jesus’ parents so deeply, these young parents who loved their son so much and were asked to let Him go so that we could all live.

I know that He lived on this earth.  I know that He was born an innocent baby in humble circumstances.  I know that He was a toddler once—a little boy who grew and learned and was taught by His mother and His earthly father, just like any other little boy.  And then He chose to do the will of His Divine Father, becoming the Savior of the world and suffering incomprehensible pain for each one of us so that we could return to be with Him.

"When Did He Know?" by Liz Lemon Swindle

I love Him.  I love this time of year where we commemorate His birth and spend just a little bit more time thinking about Him.  I want to be more like Him—a more Christ-like mother to my little Noah, a more Christ-like wife to my Ryan, and a more Christ-like friend to all those whom I am fortunate to know.

Merry Christmas, Friends and Family.  May the Spirit of this sweet little boy "born that man no more may die" be with you today and always.

"The Holy Men" by Liz Lemon Swindle

**Artwork from lizlemonswindle.com.