Today, however, I am looking back. I took a quick trip to Denver last week to be at my little sister's baby shower, and my trip made me pause and reflect. It made me realize just how grateful I am that we ended up in Denver for Ryan's residency, even though that was never in our "plan." It also made me realize that I need to write a follow up to the blog post I wrote back in June 2011 entitled "Could We Have Supposed?" Here is what I wrote 2.5 years ago:
"Today was a down day. I cried actual real tears (a big deal for me) because I miss Buffalo so much. We had a magical four years living there. So many wonderful people and experiences. I treasure the friendships that we made, and I miss it with all of my heart.
Interestingly, when Ryan was interviewing for dental school, we almost took Buffalo off of the list. He had several interviews around the country, and it was getting expensive to fly him to all of them, so we looked at the list and said, 'Where is the least likely place that we will go?' Buffalo seemed so far away--and so expensive for a plane ticket--and so cold in the winter. We decided to take it off the list. But then we got a call from Ryan's mom saying that she was going to use some of her credit card miles to buy his ticket to New York. If it hadn't been for Sally's gift, we never would've ended up in Buffalo.
I have written before about the experience of driving into Buffalo for the first time, alone in a strange city so far from home. Little did we know then the good things that were to come.
In the Book of Mormon, Ammon is reflecting back on his years as a missionary, and he says, '...behold I say unto you, how great reason have we to rejoice; for could we have supposed when we started from the land of Zarahemla that God would have granted unto us such great blessings?' (Alma 26:1).
This is how I feel. Could we have supposed when we left our comfortable life in Provo, Utah that God would have granted unto us such great blessings? Then 'how great reason have [I] to rejoice.'
But I didn't feel like rejoicing today. I felt a deep ache inside, knowing that a season of my life that I loved is over, and I can't ever rewind time and relive it.
In spite of this ache in my heart, my mind is telling me that everything is going to be okay--that God has not forgotten us--and if He lead us to Buffalo, then He surely lead us to Denver as well.
Ryan felt that his residency interview in Denver was one of his worst. He didn't think there was a chance under heaven that he would get accepted here, and I was okay with that because I wasn't quite ready to move back to my hometown. I wanted another 'adventure' in a totally different part of the country. Consequently, Ryan did not rank the program in Denver very high on his 'match list.'
And yet here we are.
Just as we didn't intend to go to Buffalo for dental school, we didn't intend to come to Denver for residency. So I am hoping that the parallel experiences will continue, and, in two years, I will reflect back on this time and say 'could we have supposed' when we left our home in Buffalo that God would grant unto us such great blessings in our home in Denver?
I know that there are good things to come."
Today, I am smiling as I realize that God did indeed grant unto us many great blessings when He lead us to Denver for Ryan's residency. It feels so good to look back and realize that He knew best. He always knows best.
Could we have supposed, when Ryan was (shockingly) accepted to the program in Denver, that I would desperately need the support of my family when I had a very colicky baby? If we had been in Hawaii, which was #1 on Ryan's match list for residency, I wouldn't have had people to give me breaks, make me dinner, and console me that things would get better. Though Noah cried through much of his first six months of life, my family loved him fiercely, and I always knew that I could trust him with them when I needed a rest. Now seeing the relationship that he has with his "Bapa" and "Naunt Sarah" fills me with gratitude for the time that we lived close to them.
Could we have supposed that we would end up living just a mile or so from my grandparents, and that they would develop such an incredible bond with our son? Could we have foreseen the joy that it would bring to our hearts to see the three of them together?
|Ice cream with Grampy|
|Tracks with Granny|
|Couldn't possibly love the three of them more|
Could we have supposed that Noah would forge a special relationship with his cousins, Callum and Jade, and they would become the best of friends? I know these friendships are going to last a lifetime.
Could we have supposed that I would reconnect with old friends who enriched my life as a child and continue to enrich my life as an adult? Or that I would make new friends who became true kindred spirits and talked me through the ups and downs of my first two years of motherhood?
Could we have supposed that living closer to Utah would give us the opportunity to develop a deeper relationship with Noah's birthparents, as we were able to see them more frequently than we ever would have if we'd been living across the country or ocean? We and Noah have been so blessed by their love.
Could we have supposed that Ryan would get exceptional training that prepared him for his career as a pediatric dentist? Although his program was incredibly intense and his boss was overly demanding, the education that he received was invaluable and the friends that he made in his program were a huge support and joy for him.
We love Idaho already, and we can't wait to witness all of the blessings that unfold here. Truly, "how great reason we have to rejoice."