IVF, News

I thought that I would figure out a poetic/literary way to announce this...but the truth is, I am excruciatingly tired (good sign, right?), so I guess I will just get right to the point and say it:

I am pregnant.

!!!

Several blood tests have confirmed it, and my HCG levels are doubling every 40 hours, and so although I am still ridiculously early on to be announcing this news, I thought I would go ahead and do it--because with IVF, everyone knows your general timeline anyway, and everyone is asking and wondering...so you really can't keep it a secret for long.

So there you have it, friends: I am a whopping 5 1/2 weeks pregnant and feeling so relieved and grateful and overwhelmed and vulnerable and happy and scared, all at once.

I am ever-aware that I am still in the miscarriage danger zone, and will be for several more months, so continued prayers are appreciated.  My doctor did say that with my HCG levels, the risk of miscarriage is low, but I know this is never a sure thing.  I know this life inside of me is very fragile.  It makes me feel vulnerable to announce this news so early on, but I figure that if the worst should happen, I will want to share and seek support on my blog anyway.  So I am announcing it now and praying for things to continue progressing normally.

I am also ever-aware that I am extremely blessed to have had this outcome the first time that I did IVF.  So blessed.  Most of my friends who have done IVF have not had it so easy.  It feels weird to write that because IVF is never easy, but compared to the journeys of some of my friends, my path was fairly straightforward.  Again, I am so grateful.  So so so grateful.

I know how much infertility can sting, and I hope this pregnancy announcement doesn't cause pain for anyone else.  For those of you currently struggling with infertility, I am so sorry for what you are going through and I love you.  Truly.  I always pray for those who are facing infertility or waiting to adopt--I pray by name for those whom I know, and I pray in general for those whom I don't.  So if anyone is reading this news and your heart is hurting, I really mean it when I say that I am praying for you.  Please hang in there.  Sometimes that's all we can do.

As for me being pregnant (what??), it feels too good to be true--so surreal and so exciting--this little life inside of me.  I was looking through an old photo album from Ryan's childhood today, and I decided that I hope the baby looks like him.  I mean, honestly, should this kind of cuteness even be allowed??

And speaking of Ryan, the baby's due date is August 6th, which just happens to be Ryan's 32nd birthday!  This was also Noah's due date at one point, though he ended up being born on August 1st.

And speaking of Noah, I love him.  He has these new skateboarder shoes (be still my heart), and today when a random stranger complimented them, he said, "Want to see how fast they go?"  And took off running around the room.

He makes me smile every single day.  He made me a mother.  He is the reason I found the courage to try for another baby.  Ryan and I often shake our heads in wonder when we look at him--he is the best thing that ever happened to us, and I will always be grateful for my infertility because it brought Noah to us.

When I asked Noah if he wants a brother or a sister, he said, "Both!" :)  He's probably not going to get both of them at once, because although they did transfer two embryos, my HCG levels are not indicating twins at this point.  (I know some of you out there were wondering.)  We won't know for sure until I have an ultrasound, but for now, the doctor says it appears to be one healthy and growing baby in there.  Sounds miraculous and perfect to me.

Thank you all for your prayers.  Thank you for supporting us on this journey.  Thank you for loving our family.  Thank you for sharing in our joys and our sorrows over the years.  This is another chapter which we are hoping will have a happy ending in August.

I simply can't wait.