Baby Noah will be four weeks old tomorrow. I simply can't believe it. Sometimes I look at him, and I can't believe he's actually here--I'm actually a mom--I have a son! Other times, I look at him, and I can't believe he hasn't always been here--he's just such a natural part of our family--he was always meant to be here.
There were many days in the past several years when I truly and honestly wondered if I would ever be a mother. It started to seem impossible. A pattern had been established: All of my pregnancy tests were negative, and all of our adoption opportunities fell through. That's just the way it was and the way it would always be.
Looking back on it now, it seems almost silly that I was so disheartened. I should've known that God always had a plan for our family. And I guess I did know that even in the midst of the trial--but that didn't make each disappointment any less real or overwhelming.
And now Noah is here. He's here, and he's ours, and he's perfect.
Isaiah 61:1,3 says, "...the Lord has anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, the opening of the prison to them that are bound...to give unto them beauty for ashes..."
I've thought about that promise a lot: "to give unto them beauty for ashes." From the ashes of our infertility grief has come the beautiful opportunity to adopt Noah. How often does God take the hardships in our lives and turn them into blessings? Opportunities for growth, or to meet new people, or to start over, or to develop traits that we'll need later, or to bring us closer to our families? I don't believe that God makes bad things happen to His children. I do believe that He allows bad things to happen to His children but promises that He will help us make the most of any trial that we face--He will give us "beauty for ashes."
As I look back on the past year of our lives, it's overwhelming to see how we've been blessed. If you don't already know our history, I will include a few links below that explain our "journey to Noah" as I sometimes call it (it really does feel like a journey). I am going to blog about his birth and first few days of life this week too. It's a week for looking back, remembering, and giving thanks: We have a son! He is one month old! He is totally adorable, and I want to squeeze him all day long! He looks especially cute in his ducky bath robe and in his tiny church shoes! (Seriously...shoes for a one month old??)
Okay, and now for the links:
The first time I blogged about my infertility and our desire to adopt (April 20, 2010)
A post written in the midst of a lot of heartbreak (January 13, 2011)
A post written as I was recovering from the heartbreak (January 14, 2011)
The announcement that Katie had chosen us to be her baby's parents (March 6, 2011)
A letter to the baby about our first visit with Katie and Drew (March 28, 2011)
The post announcing Noah's arrival (August 1, 2011)