Letter to my Noah on his One-Week Birthday

Dearest Sweetest, Most Precious Noah,

One week ago, I held you in my arms for the first time.  I heard your tiny cry and saw your perfect little face, and I shed tears of joy, amazement, and relief.  You are a miracle.  A tiny, perfect miracle—with a head of soft brown hair and a set of piercing dark blue eyes.

In the hours leading up to your birth, I marveled at the strength and courage of your birth mom, Katie.  She labored with you for over 12 hours, enduring unimaginable pain to bring you into this world.  Throughout her labor, I sat in awestruck silence in the corner of her hospital room, wanting to support her but not sure how, realizing this was a journey that only she and God would ever fully understand.

And then, I watched her push you into the world.  I stood beside her and held her hand as you emerged, first your head, then your shoulders, then your perfect little body, fresh from heaven.  That’s when the tears started.  I have never witnessed anything so sacred.

And then you were in my arms—all wrapped up in a blanket with a tiny little hat on your head.  You looked up at me, and I looked back at you, and your dad wrapped his arms around both of us and rested his head on my shoulder.

I had imagined this moment for so many months and wondered how it would feel.  Would I feel immediately connected to you?  Would I feel like your mother?  Would I fall in love at first sight? 

Looking back on it now, all I remember is the love that I felt—for you, for Katie, and for everyone in the room.  I knew without a doubt that you were my son, and I knew that I could not have been granted such a gift without Katie.  She and I are now connected by something deeper even than friendship or respect.  We are connected by our love for you, and that is a bond that will never break, no matter what the coming years bring.

Even as I gazed down on you in amazement, I could not stand to be away from Katie’s side.  The nurses had ushered me to a corner of the room where they could clean, warm, and weigh you, but I could see Katie in the bed, craning her neck to catch a glimpse of you, and I could not possibly stay away.  I rushed to her bedside and showed her the miracle that she had just delivered—a beautiful, healthy, precious, perfect little angel.  She reached out for you and smiled, and I have never seen such joy and love in someone’s face. I lowered you into her arms, and she cooed and kissed you and held you close.  It was a beautiful and perfect sight.

Your birth dad, Drew, was beside her.  He had been beside her for the entire twelve hour labor, holding her hand, putting pressure on her back to ease the pain of the contractions, doing whatever was asked of him.  Throughout the labor, my heart swelled with love for him as I watched his support of Katie.  He is a good, kind, strong young man who loves you very much—that was apparent in his tears the moment he first saw you and in the awe on his face as he watched Katie holding you for the first time.  A few minutes later, after he and everyone in the room had held you, I put my arm around him and told him I was proud of him.  He said, “Don’t count me out of this kid’s life!” I responded sincerely, “You’re in, Drew—you’re definitely in!” He grabbed me in a tight hug and didn’t let go for several minutes.  It was one of the most precious moments of my life.

In the minutes after your birth, it felt like time slowed down in that hospital room.  The Spirit was tangible.  Peace blanketed all of us, as we passed you from family member to family member, and we all gave a little piece of our hearts to you.  In the first ten minutes of your life, you were held by your mom, your birth mom, your dad, your birth dad, your birth grandparents, and your grandma.  I’m sure that so much love has never been poured on one little boy in such a short amount of time.  As we all shared you and loved you, I have never felt Heaven so close.

Sweetest Noah, you are so loved.  So loved.  Before we left the hospital with you, Katie held you in her arms as you were surrounded by three men who gave you a special priesthood blessing. Katie’s dad, your dad, and Drew’s grandpa all laid their hands on your tiny little head, and Mark voiced the blessing, promising that the love of your birth parents and of all of the family members in that room would become a part of you and go with you throughout your life.  That is a remarkable promise, and I have no doubt that you will grow to be a remarkable man.  Every morning, as I cradle you and feed you a bottle, I look into your dark blue eyes and say a prayer thanking God that you are my son.  I ask Him to protect you, be with you, and bless you to grow up strong, honorable, honest, and kind.  I ask Him to bless me as your mother to know how to love you, teach you, and meet your needs.

You are our miracle, Noah, our gift from Heavenly Father.  I have grown so much closer to the Lord through the process of waiting for you and then watching you come into this beautiful, complicated world.  I can only imagine how much closer you will bring me to Heavenly Father in the coming years, as I strive to be the mother that you deserve.  Truly, “I thank my God upon every remembrance of you.”  Philippians 1:3

With a heart and soul brimming with love and gratitude for you,
Mom