Saturday, February 14, 2015

To My First Little Love

Oh, Noah.  My sweet, spunky, strong-willed Noah.

We had quite a day yesterday.  It started in the morning, as I pulled into the garage after my early workout at the gym, and you came running outside, your eyes still groggy with sleep, your hair a mess of bedhead, so excited to see me.  “Mother! Mother!  I built a tunnel for my new train!  Come and see it, come and see it!”

In that moment, as it so often does, my heart ached and squeezed with the love that I have for you.  Could a human being on this planet be luckier? I thought, as I opened the car door and threw my arms around you.

“I missed you!”  I said into your ear, nuzzling your neck and kissing your soft cheeks forcefully. “I missed you last night while you were sleeping!”

“I missed you too, Mama—” you said breezily, out of breath with excitement about a new day. “Now come see my tunnel!  Come see it!”

We ran inside to see your new creation and to greet Daddy and Baby Sister, who were both sitting at the breakfast table looking a little bewildered by so much glee so early in the morning.

Who would have thought that an hour later—a mere hour—you would be in tears because your mama lost her temper with you during a Valentine's photo shoot with Sister??

“Don’t climb on my back please, Noah.”  “Please don’t touch her while I am trying to take her picture.”  “Noah, please don’t climb on me.”  “Noah you can’t touch those blocks—your hands are in the picture.”  “NOAH!  What did I just say?” “I need you to stop hanging on my neck, Noah”…

And then—the explosion.


People say that three-year-olds are bipolar, but what about their mothers?  Going from complete adoration to a full-on blowup within an hour?  Good grief—keep it together, Mama!   As if a cute photo is more important than your son?  It’s ridiculous!

I apologized immediately, but my mood didn’t improve much throughout the day, and I’m embarrassed to say that I snapped a few more times, causing you to say at one point, “Don’t be so grumpy, Mother!!”  Oh, Noah—I’m trying.  I really am.

So last night, after I got home from my Valentine's date with Daddy, I climbed into your bed and snuggled you tight.  I sang you a song and scratched your back, and then I said, “Noah, I’m so sorry that I yelled today.  It’s been making me feel sad all night when I think about it.  I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”

You looked at me seriously, a melancholy expression suddenly in your eyes and a slight whimper to your voice, “That made me so sad when you were mad with me, Mommy.”

“I know, Noah.  I’m so sorry.  I will try hard to never do that again.  Will you forgive me?”

There was no hesitation, no pause to think about it, no stalling to make me grovel further—your grin was immediate and your words tumbled out with a giggle: “Yes, Mama!  I forgive you!”  You hugged me around the neck and tried to tickle me, and we ended the day as we had begun it—as the best of friends, my heart bursting at the sweetness, the sincerity, the goodness of you.

You teach me every day, Noah.  And though I make mistakes (so many of them!) every day as well, I am trying so hard to be a good mama to you.  Thank you for loving me.  Thank you for giving me second chances.

Happy Valentine's Day, my first little love.
Your Mama


  1. So true!! Our kids teach us so much. Noah is adorable.

  2. Love this! I am grateful every day that my kids are so forgiving. I tell them often that we are all learning learning to be a mom while they are learning to be humans. They are hard lessons. And luckily filled with many of those beautiful loving moments between the screams.


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