I have so much to catch up with this blog--so many happy, fun things. But today I feel like sharing some of my heart, and not just the pretty parts.
I feel burned out. I have no idea why. I have two great kids and a loving husband. I get breaks more often than is probably fair: I've been on several fun weekend trips these past few months, including one without my kids. (I mean, honestly, kid-free in San Diego, California with my sisters! Does it get any more relaxing??) My dad also just came to visit us for a long weekend, and we had a great time with him at the family cabin in Sun Valley.
And yet between these highlights, and sometimes even in the midst of them, I just feel foggy and tired and overwhelmed. And then I feel selfish for feeling that way. And wimpy.
But I just can't keep up. I can't keep up with the mess--with my children--with the laundry, grocery shopping, meal-planning, kitchen-cleaning--with the whining, fussing, teething, ear-infection-ing--with the bedtime routines when I am way past exhausted.
Honestly, I don't love being a stay-at-home mom, and yet I don't want to be away from the kids either. I love my children more than anything in the world, yet I am sometimes so tired of taking care of their every need. Sometimes life just feels like Groundhog's Day--like each day is the same, and I am on a hamster wheel, and I just don't know what to do to snap out of this funk I am in.
I am naturally a solver, so when I confront a problem like this, I always try to think of a way to solve it. What would help? A long talk with my sisters? A girls' night out? A more consistent scripture study routine? A session with a counselor? A date night with Ryan? An increase in my anxiety medication (only partially kidding)? A part-time job? A good night's sleep? A cleaning lady? An attitude adjustment?...
Time? Is that the key--just giving it time and waiting for this moment (or week or month) of discouragement and frustration to pass?
I've written before about some of my unexplained health issues, and though I don't mention it often or like to dwell on it, some of those health problems persist. Not to the point that I am debilitated, but sometimes I just feel like maybe my body or my hormones have something to do with this fogginess and discouragement that I feel.
And maybe this is just motherhood, particularly with little ones. Maybe this is just the stage of life that I am in.
Do any of you have advice? Have you ever felt this way? What have you done to make your days with little ones more meaningful? What have you done to manage the mess and the housekeeping? What have you done to find peace and joy in the midst of whining and fussing?
I have a beautiful life, and though I don't expect to feel joyful every moment of every day, I want to feel more joy than I have been feeling lately. I would love some ideas and suggestions.