Sunday, January 30, 2011

Wait on the Lord

I have never liked waiting--nor have I been good at it--yet I find myself waiting a lot these days.

I am waiting to plan the next few months of our lives (do we have enough money for me to visit my sister during my February break? will I be able to finish the entirety of my school year before we move?) until I find out if and where Ryan matches for residency.

Thank heaven that wait will be over tomorrow.

I am waiting to rock a baby to sleep in my arms and sing lullabies and wipe tears and calm tantrums until we get pregnant or get chosen for an adoption.

Please, heaven, let that wait be over tomorrow.

I don't think anyone can escape this life without having to, at some point, wait for something that they really really want.  A job, a cure, a loved one's change of heart...a spouse.

Several of my best friends are not married.  They'd like to be.  A few of them appear to be on their way (very serious boyfriends); others have suffered recent disappointments.  They are beautiful, kind, intelligent, and talented.  They are spiritual, selfless, funny, and capable.

And yet they wait.  They wait and hope and work for something that is almost entirely out of their control.

I think about them and pray for them.  For, while I can make a "Hoping to Adopt" button and post it all over the Internet, while I can write lengthy blog posts about my broken heart and receive an outpouring of validation from friends and family--they really cannot.  You don't see too many "Hoping to Marry" blog buttons.

A phrase that has fascinated me in my recent scripture study is "waiting on the Lord."  One thing that I love about online scriptures is that I can type in a search term and easily read all of the references that relate to my query.

When I enter "wait on the Lord," I get 47 results, and I have thought about many of those verses at different moments in the last few months.

Lately, I have been thinking about this one:

"But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."  Isaiah 40:31

I try to remember those words as I wait for email contacts from birth mothers.  Once the initial contacts come, I try to remember those words as I wait for each reply (and it's possible I check my email every ten minutes).  Once an email relationship has been established, I try to remember those words as I wait for them to decide if they want us to be the parents of their baby--and as I wait and pray that they won't change their minds.

It's the hardest thing I've ever done, and sometimes I wonder if I can continue doing it.  I need the Lord to "renew [my] strength."  I need Him to help me "mount up with wings as eagles," so I can see a view of my life from a higher, more eternal perspective and feel the exhilaration of His love.  I need Him to help me run this endurance race "and not be weary...and not faint."

We are all waiting for something.  We've been promised that we can bear it.  Sometimes I'm not so sure...but then I remember these scriptures, and I remember...

We can do it.


  1. Good luck tomorrow! Match day is a crazy day, and I remember that feeling that, based on what happened that day, about 20 other decisions would automatically be made for us. It'll be such a load off of your shoulders, I think. Can't wait to hear where you'll be! Wish it could be Oklahoma City! :)

  2. I love you Rach. I want so much to be the ONE to help you find that special child . . . but obviously what I really want is for your joy to be full, no matter what the source. I'm so excited to hear tomorrow's news and know that wherever it is, there is a reason and Heavenly Father is so very aware of you and RY. Thanks for your thoughts today too...
    "waiting on the Lord" . . . critical to our peace.

  3. Yes, yes you should definitely come visit your sister during Feb break and since she will be so busy you can hang out with your favorite cuz!!! :) Sound like a plan? :) And I sort of like the idea of a "Hoping to Marry" button. That might be fun.

  4. That was a beautiful post that I really needed to hear/read. Thanks Rachel, and good luck to Ryan tomorrow!

  5. Yes we can!!!

    I think online dating sites (and singles wards) are nothing but "hoping to marry" buttons. :)

    Love you, sis!

  6. As you know, I understand... possibly in a totally different way, but I understand... the waiting. I pray your waiting is over soon. Love you Rach.

  7. I remember a thought I heard one from a lecture I heard once at BYU that took that phrase of "waiting on the Lord," and changed its meaning for me a bit. Think of a waiter--one who waits on the people sitting at the tables and booths assigned to him. What is he doing? Waiting for them to order? No--in that case, waiting means serving. One thing we can do when we're "waiting" on the Lord is serving Him. It makes the wait easier to bear. You're an example of this already, I just liked the thought. We're not just WAITING, we're serving and filling the time with good things. I heard another quote recently that said, "There is no time to wait, only to prepare." I think that's another thing we can do when we're waiting, and I think preparing shows the Lord we're serious and committed to the goal we seek. Like the little kid who not only prayed for rain, but brought an umbrella to the stake conference. Preparing for what we're waiting for shows the Lord that we have faith that He will provide.

  8. Boy do I know how you feel. God has recently rewarded me with my patience in a small way, after telling me every night for 2 years, "be patient, your time will come," and it has. However, I know he also has great plans for me very soon and still I continue to wait. I don't always wait patiently, but I wait because I know His love and His timing prevail. I will be in prayer for you.

  9. Thank you so much for sharing. I'm so glad I know of your blog now! You have a wonderful sweetness and I love to read your posts. I needed to read this one. Life sometimes seems a never ending game of "wait and see", but now I will try to think of it as "wait on the Lord". Thanks for sharing those scriptures. They've helped me a lot tonight. I had to smile at your "Hoping to Marry" blog buttons. I know a few ladies and gentlemen who would love to have that circulating. Thanks for your strength and inspiration!

  10. I have been using the online scriptures more too. It is really convenient, but there is something I love about holding the books in my hands. Thanks for the post! It makes me want to really read my scriptures tonight instead of falling asleep while I read them. Love ya!

  11. I'm sure you came to realization a long time ago, but I've learned that the Lord wants us all to be worthy to return to Him and He gives us what we need to become that person.

    I know how very badly it sucks but I just keep reminding myself that it will all be worth it if I take these times to become what I need to be in order to be worthy of His greatest blessings.


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