Monday, June 27, 2011

"Could we have supposed?"

Today was a down day.  I cried actual real tears (a big deal for me) because I miss Buffalo so much.  We had a magical four years living there.  So many wonderful people and experiences.  I treasure the friendships that we made there, and I miss it with all of my heart.

Interestingly, when Ryan was interviewing for dental school, we almost took Buffalo off of the list.  He had several interviews around the country, and it was getting expensive to fly him to all of them, so we looked at the list and said, "Where is the least likely place that we will go?"  Buffalo seemed so far away--and so expensive for a plane ticket--and so cold in the winter.  We decided to take it off the list.  But then we got a call from Ryan's mom saying that she was going to use some of her credit card miles to buy his ticket to New York.  If it hadn't been for Sally's gift, we never would've ended up in Buffalo.

I have written before about the experience of driving into Buffalo for the first time, alone in a strange city so far from home.  Little did we know then the good things that were to come.

In the Book of Mormon, Ammon is reflecting back on his years as a missionary, and he says, "...behold I say unto you, how great reason have we to rejoice; for could we have supposed when we started from the land of Zarahemla that God would have granted unto us such great blessings?" (Alma 26:1)

This is how I feel.  Could we have supposed when we left our comfortable life in Provo, Utah that God would have granted unto us such great blessings?

Then "how great reason have [I] to rejoice."

But I didn't feel like rejoicing today.  I felt a deep ache inside, knowing that a season of my life that I loved is over, and I can't ever rewind time and relive it.

In spite of this ache in my heart, my mind is telling me that everything is going to be okay--that God has not forgotten us--and if He lead us to Buffalo, then He surely lead us to Denver as well.

Ryan felt that his residency interview in Denver was one of his worst.  He didn't think there was a chance under heaven that he would get accepted here, and I was okay with that because I wasn't quite ready to move back to my hometown--I wanted another "adventure" in a totally different part of the country.  Consequently, Ryan did not rank the program in Denver very high on his "match list."

And yet here we are.

Just as we didn't intend to go to Buffalo for dental school, we didn't intend to come to Denver for residency.  So I am hoping that the parallel experiences will continue, and, in two years, I will reflect back on this time and say "could we have supposed"when we left our home in Buffalo that God would grant unto us such great blessings in our home in Denver?

I know that there are good things to come.


  1. I know this feeling SO well. It is almost exactly like our experience with Madison. And then I loved San Diego and had to leave. Leaving is hard. :( Life is good on the flip side but it is hard to end a good chapter.

  2. Reading this made me so sad. I really miss you.

  3. Rachel-

    You are absolutely missed also- but as you said- I know good things are to come.


I love hearing from you!! Thanks for the comment!