Sunday, November 27, 2011

Katie's Story--Part 1

Now that you’ve heard far too much from me, it’s time for you to hear more from Katie.  I hope you all got to read the letter that she wrote to another birth mom.  My blog was doing crazy things this week with repetitive posts and posts that disappeared.  If you somehow missed Katie's letter that I published a few days ago, scroll down and check it out. 

These are the questions that were submitted for Katie to answer:

-What is your “story”?  What was it like when you found out you were pregnant?  How did you choose adoption?  How did you choose Rachel and Ryan?
-How did people treat you during your pregnancy (those at school, church, in the community, friends and family)?  What was helpful?  What was hurtful?
-Was it helpful to choose your adoptive couple early in the your pregnancy?  If so, how?
-What did Rachel and Ryan do for you throughout your pregnancy that was helpful?  Anything you wish they would’ve done?
-How did you prepare yourself for placement?
-What was the time in the hospital like?  If you had it to do over, would you change anything about that time?  Did Rachel and Ryan do anything that was helpful during those days?  Anything you wish they would’ve done?
-What were the days and weeks after placement like?  What helped you cope?
-Did you ever regret your decision?
-How are you feeling now?
-Has your experience with adoption changed your relationship with your family?  Has it changed your view of yourself or others? 
-What do you think of open adoption?  Does it make it easier or harder for you to see photos of Noah and have visits with him?  What do you envision for the future of the adoption relationship with Noah and Rachel and Ryan?
-Have you changed as a result of the adoption?

In response to all of these questions, Katie wrote ten pages about her experience.  She broke it up into different “chapters,” and I will post a portion every day this week.  I hope you are as excited to read her perspective as I was. 

Chapter 1 – Once Upon A Time

A lot of people might think my story is too good to be true, and they’re right. This story of how I found the perfect couple for my son is too good to be true.  It’s like when you watch those cheesy chick flicks where at the end the nerdy girl gets the perfect hunky guy and they drive off into the sunset, and all you can think about as you’re leaving the theater is, “There was no way that story could ever be true.” Things like that just don’t happen to ordinary people.

But this time, they did.

I was, for the most part, a good girl. I had tried the whole “bad girl” scene and decided it wasn’t for me. I finally had the life I had been searching for since I’d moved three years previous. I had the friends, I had the grades, the world’s best boyfriend. I had it all. The relationship with my parents had been slowly rebuilding to what it once had been, and for the most part I was happy. It was the first time in a very long time that I had been happy with my life.

I asked Drew, my best friend and also my boyfriend of half a year, if he would want to go to the Christmas Dance with me. The Christmas Dance marked the day before our one year anniversary of meeting each other, and of course he agreed to go with me. To everyone, it seemed as if nothing was wrong. Everything was fine and dandy.

At least for everyone except me.

Our dance group had Chinese food at my house before the dance. We were all having a good time, but inside I couldn’t help but feel sick to my stomach – literally. I just smiled and pretended like it hadn’t been five and a half weeks since I’d had my last period or the fact that I felt like going to sleep even though it wasn’t even eight o’clock.

The evening turned to night and the dance was almost over. I had a great time and before we left, I headed to the bathroom with my best friend. Still, the little spot of blood wasn’t there. She knew I was worried and asked me if what I suspected might be wrong was really happening. I blamed it on the stress of planning the dance, that’s why it hadn’t come yet.

But I knew the real reason why. You don’t need anyone to tell you – when you know, you know. Some stupid test doesn’t change what you already know.

The rest of the night I tried to keep from vomiting as we played games. Well, everyone else played games and I fell asleep on Drew’s shoulder. It had been a long day, that’s why I was so exhausted. I kept telling myself that, even though I didn’t really believe it.
The next few days flew by and there was no period. I drove to Planned Parenthood so they could tell me what I already knew was the truth. I was pregnant. I was six weeks. And I knew what I had to do, but could I do it?’

“If you are indeed pregnant, what are you going to do?” the nurse asked.

“I dunno,” I replied. “Adoption. Maybe I’ll decide to keep it. But not abortion. Definitely not abortion.”

I cried then. I cried and then I was done crying. What was there to cry about really? You shouldn’t cry over babies, at least not a sad cry.

I called Drew and he came over after work. My family was gone, so we were alone. Before I even opened my mouth, he understood. He kept pacing and saying, “We screwed up big time Katie. We screwed up.”

And that was the truth. We had screwed up. Katie had most certainly screwed up.

. . .  to be continued tomorrow


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