Thursday, February 26, 2015

Burned Out

I have so much to catch up with this blog--so many happy, fun things.  But today I feel like sharing some of my heart, and not just the pretty parts.

I feel burned out.  I have no idea why.  I have two great kids and a loving husband.  I get breaks more often than is probably fair: I've been on several fun weekend trips these past few months, including one without my kids.  (I mean, honestly, kid-free in San Diego, California with my sisters!  Does it get any more relaxing??)  My dad also just came to visit us for a long weekend, and we had a great time with him at the family cabin in Sun Valley.

And yet between these highlights, and sometimes even in the midst of them, I just feel foggy and tired and overwhelmed.  And then I feel selfish for feeling that way.  And wimpy.

But I just can't keep up.  I can't keep up with the mess--with my children--with the laundry, grocery shopping, meal-planning, kitchen-cleaning--with the whining, fussing, teething, ear-infection-ing--with the bedtime routines when I am way past exhausted.

Honestly, I don't love being a stay-at-home mom, and yet I don't want to be away from the kids either.  I love my children more than anything in the world, yet I am sometimes so tired of taking care of their every need.  Sometimes life just feels like Groundhog's Day--like each day is the same, and I am on a hamster wheel, and I just don't know what to do to snap out of this funk I am in.

I am naturally a solver, so when I confront a problem like this, I always try to think of a way to solve it.  What would help?  A long talk with my sisters?  A girls' night out?  A more consistent scripture study routine?  A session with a counselor?  A date night with Ryan?  An increase in my anxiety medication (only partially kidding)?  A part-time job?  A good night's sleep?  A cleaning lady?  An attitude adjustment?...

Time?  Is that the key--just giving it time and waiting for this moment (or week or month) of discouragement and frustration to pass?

I've written before about some of my unexplained health issues, and though I don't mention it often or like to dwell on it, some of those health problems persist.  Not to the point that I am debilitated, but sometimes I just feel like maybe my body or my hormones have something to do with this fogginess and discouragement that I feel.

And maybe this is just motherhood, particularly with little ones.  Maybe this is just the stage of life that I am in.

Do any of you have advice?  Have you ever felt this way?  What have you done to make your days with little ones more meaningful?  What have you done to manage the mess and the housekeeping?  What have you done to find peace and joy in the midst of whining and fussing?

I have a beautiful life, and though I don't expect to feel joyful every moment of every day, I want to feel more joy than I have been feeling lately.  I would love some ideas and suggestions.

8 comments:

  1. Hi Rachel. You continue to amaze me, your blog is so beautiful and well written and so real, which I just love. I have been feeling very similar, it comes and goes in waves for me. I was feeling exactly like this earlier in the week this week. And I don't have any magic answers or anything but hopefully something in this list will help. A few things I have found that help me to feel less overwhelmed include:
    1. Shower and get ready (make up, hair, and jewelry included) at least a few times a week. You probably already do this but this was a game changer for me this week. I scheduled a few random outings (doctor, errands, playdate) that I had to be ready for pretty early in the day and so I was forced to get ready and it really helped me. Of course, some days I just feel like staying in pjs but getting dressed up a little bit really helped me this week. I even threw on some lipstick, something I never do, just to make me feel more jazzed about life! :)
    2. Be all there. This one is hard for me. It is so easy to check my phone throughout the day, etc. But I have learned time and time again that when I am all there in each moment, I feel better. Again, probably something you are already doing though.
    3. Let everything go during nap time. Usually I try to work on housework or other must do projects during nap time but sometimes I let loose and just read a book or something and ignore the mess.
    4. Write your to-do list with colored markers. Because it's just fun!
    5. I write down things I want to do with P on my daily to-do list. That way playing with her is a priority and it's on my list so I get to cross it off! And it helps a little for me to think about what activities I want to do with her the day before so that I have some tricks up my sleeve when she starts to get whiny or bored or needing something to do. And they are always just easy things, like painting with water or going outside.
    6. We started listening to General Conference talks during breakfast. Has helped a lot.

    I don't know if this helps or not but I hope a little bit! I'm excited to read others ideas too! You are awesome Rachel!

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    1. So many great ideas here, Emily! Thank you for taking the time to comment!!!!! I, too, have been thinking about the importance of "being all there" lately. I want to be "all in" as a mother, not just trying to occupy my kids so I can get something else done. Thank you thank you for the awesome advice!

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  2. I don't have any advice but I just wanted to say I feel the same way! I wouldn't want to be doing anything besides staying home with my kids but some times it is just so hard, and I don't feel like I am making any progress. I recently read The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin and something she said really resonated with me. "The days are long but the years are short" it helps me to keep things in perspective.

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  3. Yes! I feel your pain. Something that helps me is getting out of the house, a lot. Or having people come over. Just the ability to talk to other mom while my child plays makes me feel better. I am really rejuvenated by other people. Or, I love going to the gym. It's some me time. I also look for good deals on groupon for yearly passes at museums/planetariums by me. Planning trips there at least once a month help me. Really, just finding what is relaxing to me (like all of those) is what helps. What can I do throughout my day to make me happy and still want to take care of my kid is important for both of us!

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  4. All the comments have great ideas. I had my kids in play groups by age 3 and 4 a couple days a week(4-5 kids for 90 min each parent takes a turn and rotates). I also belonged to a gym that charged me if I was a no show in the day care that was motivating so for 90 min(included tennis leagues) I'd exercise and 30 min to get ready for the day 5 days a week I would get my kids and myself to the gym. Best money I ever spent. We also had a weekly group that met at the church in the winter and the park in the summer for play and lunch. The R.S organized this and it is helpful for young moms to get face time. :)

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  5. All the comments have great ideas. I had my kids in play groups by age 3 and 4 a couple days a week(4-5 kids for 90 min each parent takes a turn and rotates). I also belonged to a gym that charged me if I was a no show in the day care that was motivating so for 90 min(included tennis leagues) I'd exercise and 30 min to get ready for the day 5 days a week I would get my kids and myself to the gym. Best money I ever spent. We also had a weekly group that met at the church in the winter and the park in the summer for play and lunch. The R.S organized this and it is helpful for young moms to get face time. :)

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  6. Sad! I just wrote a super long comment, and it got deleted when I tried publishing. But yes, I have felt that way many times! And I think that it is harder when you have a toddler and a baby because you have so many more needs to meet, and you feel like you should have things under control because you used to, and you expect the toddler to continue in past routines when they are entering a time of great change, and it's hard to get the baby into the routine because they are changing so fast too. And no matter what stage you're in with your kids, you need time for yourself too, but it's not always that available. I try turning to my "bag of tricks" for days when I'm in a funk:

    1) Going out for a treat with my kids (And yes, I've increasingly noticed my stress-eating habits after reading your blog posts about your eating disorder, but this is just ONE of my tricks).
    2) Texting/calling my husband. He usually has time to talk when I need adult interaction to stay sane.
    3) Going on a walk.
    4) Scheduling regular activities into our routine that get us out of the house. Makes all of us happy.
    5) Saying, "I can do anything for _____ [insert time-frame here]. I am a powerful, strong woman who can do hard things! I can get through this!" I don't have to really believe that I can do what I'm doing forever, just long enough to get me out of the funk.
    6) Saying, "This too shall pass." Kind of similar to the last one, but more focusing on "This can't last forever."
    7) Putting myself in time out! A short break can be very helpful.
    8) I recently heard about a theory that toddlers are like people with Alzheimer's. Their basic frustrations come from not understanding their reality and not being understood when they are trying to communicate. Making an effort to show my daughter that I understand her, even if I am not agreeing with her or can't let her have what she wants, has made me more satisfied at least. And it seems to help her too.
    9) Saying, "I did the dishes yesterday, and I can do them tomorrow. It doesn't have to happen today." Or saying, "Quiet down cobwebs; dust go to sleep. I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep."

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  7. I feel this way all the time. It shocks me how suddenly these feelings can come about. One minute- good mood, life is good- and one tantrum or mess later and I'm like, "Ugh!! My life!!" I think the hamster wheel is a super common feeling among young moms (and probably moms in general, but for now just let me think it's just young moms :) I think it helps to honestly express feelings to other moms (something tells me you are good at this). Every time I've honestly expressed having a hard time, other moms are like, "Yes! You feel that way too?? Me too!" And this is good. Makes it less lonely. We're all in this messy, beautiful, funny, tantrum-y, dirty, awesome hamster wheel together.

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