An Introspective Night

I’ve had an introspective night.  I want to do something to better my community—but I just don’t know what.

I went to a grocery store on Main Street--one that I usually don't go to because it's scary--and I heard more profanity in ten minutes than I would in a two-hour long R-rated film.  The most memorable incident involved the young couple who was in front of me in line.  They got in a huge argument which included vicious insults and the worst profanities in our language.  The husband finally turned to the teenaged clerk who was checking them out and said, “Do you see what you have to look forward to when you get married?  Do you want me to hook you up with her sister?”  The clerk was speechless, as was I.  When they left, we looked at each other in horror.

When I got home, I read this article online, and I almost threw up.  Then, I sat on my bed for an hour and thought about our world. 

Ryan asked me why I read about this stuff—all it does is depress me.  I told him he is right, but sometimes I think I need to feel a little depressed about the condition of the world…because it awakens my desire to do something—anything—about it.

I live in a bubble.  The bubble of the privileged.  I can go for weeks at a time without feeling any real discomforts.  I have a warm bed, an awesome husband, plenty of good food, wonderful friends, a fulfilling job.  I sometimes say things to Ryan like “I hate my life!” when I am stressed about school, or I whine and grump when I am feeling sick or frustrated.  But let’s face it, Rachel…compared to 99.9% of the world, your life is perfect.  So get over it.

Sometimes, I have to admit it, I completely forget that there’s a big, grim world out there.  In my oblivious stupor of surfing the Internet, going to the gym, and planning weekend get-togethers with friends, I truly forget that any other reality exists.  Honestly, I often go through the day without doing a single thing for anyone outside of my immediate family. 

If I didn't take an occasional shopping trip to the "ghetto" store on Main Street, and if I didn't occasionally read heartbreaking stories in the newspaper, would I even remember what the real world is like?  I don't know.  I truly don't know if I would.

I can’t change the world.  I can’t change the culture of vulgarity that seems to be a spreading plague; but that doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t act.  I said to Ryan tonight, “I need to do something to acknowledge the rough world out there.  I cannot live in this bubble for the rest of my life.”

It’s more for me than for anyone else.  Just so that I keep my eyes open.  Just so that I remember how blessed I truly am.  Just so that I can look back on my life and say, “I was aware of the world, God.  I was aware, and I didn't just stand back and watch.”   

The problem is, where to begin??  How to find opportunities to serve?  What programs could I help with?  Where am I needed?  Even when I want to help, sometimes it’s so hard to find out how and where and when and what.  With no kids, this is the perfect stage of my life to engage in something meaningful in my community, BUT WHAT?!?

I'm not talking about a total life change or anything.  Just small things, to make some sort of a small difference.  Maybe I could do after school tutoring downtown?  Or help inner-city teens with college application essays?  Maybe I could help people who are unemployed with resumes and interviewing skills?  I have talents and abilities that surely could be put to some use...but how do I find the opportunities?

Tonight was a wakeup call.  I hope I don’t forget it or ignore it.  I hope I actually act.