1. A personal cook.*
2. A personal trainer.**
3. A personal fashion consultant.***
IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?!?!
*I cannot cook worth a darn. To make matters worse, I hate it. I blame my mother--she hated it too and never really taught me much about it. I've been trying to cook and eat healthier meals lately, but I'm not good at it (which frustrates me), and it seems like such a production for just a few minutes of satisfaction. Last night, I had a melt down and a slight screaming fit: "I AM NOT COOKING A SINGLE MEAL THIS WEEK!!" Ry was bewildered but amenable to my decision. So we're going simple for the next few days: tomato soup, baked potatoes, pancakes...I just wish I had someone to cook delicious, healthy meals for us every night!
**I am pathetically out of shape. Yes, I did run a half marathon five weeks ago, but I really haven't exercised since. Why is my life so "all or nothing?" I focus on one aspect of my life, go after it like crazy, achieve the goal, and then I'm just DONE. It's really not the ideal way to live. So this week, I joined a nearby gym, and I'm trying to get into it. But, as is the case with cooking, I'm really not very good at it (which, again, frustrates me). I can't even figure out how to do the exercises that the instructor is modeling because I have zero coordination. Wouldn't it be nice if I had a personal trainer to develop a sweet workout for me and walk me through each move?
***I wore a very frumpy outfit to school today. It was frumptastic. But at 6:15 a.m. each morning, as I fumble around in the dark and throw on the first few articles of clothing that I can get my hands on, what can be expected?! The problem is, I have a very critical audience. I honestly don't know if there is an audience more critical than teenagers, and I can only imagine the internal comments that they have about my outfits every day. How do you think they would react if I just shouted at them, "LOOK, I'M NOT GOOD AT THIS FASHION THING, SO CUT ME SOME SLACK HERE!" Lately, I've tried wearing scarves. You know, those cutesy ones that all of the fashion-savvy girls are wearing? Anyway, I think I probably just look ridiculous. But I don't know--because I can't tell. Honestly, I have no eye for it. That's why I need a personal fashion consultant to put together my outfits or at least approve/disapprove my choice before I walk out the door each morning.
Ahhh, such wishful thinking. But alas, I am not Miley Cyrus or Britney Spears or Paris Hilton. And so, I suppose that I will have to continue cooking my own meals (or resorting to cold cereal if I persist in my current trend), continue enduring ineffective workout sessions at the gym (I think it's more likely that I'll just stop going), and continue showing up to school in mismatched sweaters and skirts (and hope that my students don't judge me too harshly).
So, readers, I am wondering: What's on your unrealistic Christmas list?